The Upper Room

I rise from the pew and begin
One step, and another
Toward tradition and ritual.
I pause before the alter to bow
Eyes shut in obedience
A moment of silence, of darkness...

I open them to a dimly lit room
The flicker of well-oiled wicks
Cast dancing shadows across
Clay made rock made wall.
Before me a congregation of
Ordinary men and women
An intimate setting of hushed voices
No I recognize by image
Except one.

With a lifting of His hands
We make silence and find seating
On worn wooden benches
Work of His father perhaps?
His eyes speak love,
Though His lips say nothing
I wonder if He knows
The worth of His words.

He bows before me with
Dampened rag in hand.

Will you give Me your feet?

He sits beside me
Holds His arms out in prayer

Will you give Me your hands?

He breaks the bread
Offers hardened morsel

Will you give Me your lips?

He pours the wine
Hallowed cup now made full

Will you give Me your body?

I watch as my company of
Ordinary men and women
Accept His offerings without hesitation
I wonder if they know
The worth of their reception.

Overwhelmed by humility
Eyes shut in my tears
A moment of silence, of darkness...

I open them to an alter
My priest stands before me
His eyes speak love,
Though his lips say nothing
As he offers a hardened morsel.

Will you give Me your body?

I accept his offering without hesitation
But with a humble and knowing

Amen.

Depression Express

The days run long

Alongside a locomotive

Steam engine charging forth

Against an incindiery sunset

Of regrets and contrition.

Tear drops rain showers of

Hopelessness abounding

On the forlorn passengers

Who know not where they are going

Seeking no destination.

Beaten Unnoticed Laughable Less-than You.

Whispers echo in my soul
Every syllable a death-sentence to my confidence
As you play the game of Darwin
I must have been born to lose
Survival of the fittest?
Apparently I care too much.

Laughter down the hall of my self-esteem
I never understood the joke
Turns out you thought I was the joke
What did I do to earn a spot
In your black comedy show?

Friendship is a pawn you use to make moves
Toward me, to conquer me, knock me down.
Sarcasm slits paper-thin slices through my senses
Did you mean it? Am I worthless?
I can't tell the difference anymore.

Sticks and stones...

Who gets to decide what should hurt enough to kill?
Who gets to own me?
Who gets to leave me?

Alone.
Tears.
Gone.

I can't wait for the day
When I won't remember who you are.

Dream of Desire

His eyes were as white as snow
And they melted into pools of tears
When gazing upon the heat of her body.

She was a flaming sun that had
Burnt out lightyears ago,
Though he wouldn't notice till morning
Came and she was gone.

What more could he expect
From a soft supple dream of desire
Awaiting evaporated kisses on an unmade bed

His naive touches grazed over
Pale prairies untouched
Yet seeking to own them like so
Many men before him
They roughly craved the shadowed spaces
Kept secret beneath a black lingerie

But her scorching gaze evanesced his very control
Commandeering his virility
Until she deemed him worthy of fulfilling
The very yearning he sought from
A photograph she left to him
When she burnt out lightyears ago
In the pool of tears he drowned her.

What more could he expect
From a soft supple dream of desire?

To My Knight on Cotton Clouds

You catch my tears on goose-down pillows
so the hopes and dreams cradled in each watery crescent
don't come crashing down with my salty doubt-drops.

I wouldn't that you'd stop them all together
for I dearly love their bittersweet taste
as you gently dribble them back into my coffee.

How do I thank my dream-catcher, hope-lover,
riding in on cotton clouds to save God's gift
from this world-ridden soul within me?

How do I thank the knight who protects
the very best of me
from the very worst of me?

I Am Woman.

I am woman.
And for some reason that name
Gave you license

To hold my tongue
   When I sought to speak

To pull out my chair
   When I strove to stand up

To close my legs
   When I longed to love

To grope my breasts
   When I told you no.

To show me the kitchen
   When I reached for the door

You took action
To assist me
To remind me
I’m behind thee.

But no longer.
I am woman.

I am work.
I am womb.
I am worth.
I am wonder.


I am.

You may keep your   man
And watch me lead the way.

Foxie

I wanted to name her Baby.
My mother had the sense to suggest that there might
Come a time when she grows up,
And so I changed my answer to Foxie.

Foxie.

Thinking back on it now I don't believe the name suited her.

She was a grand creature, even when no bigger than my hand.
Elongating her form to stretch languishly over the arm chair,
Prancing ever-so-silently throughout the house
With an air of sophistication and regal authority.
She was a queen among mere humans
And I always believed she knew it.

Yet on my sad days,
When daddy forgot to pick me up for our weekend
Or mommy was too stressed out from work to play
She was never above rubbing against my leg for a pet,
Licking my tears to give my hope a bath,
Purring blessings upon my heartache.

On sunny days she would attack the fringes of my jeans,
Hiss protective warnings against dumbfounded dogs,
Meet me on my pillow for a midnight dream.

Years later, grown up,
I learned to lick my own tears,
Pray for my own blessings,
Defend my own heart,
Cut the fringes off my jeans.

I never realized my actions said my goodbyes.

As I moved forward and on,
She took her bow unnoticed,
Ever the lady of my heart
A queen named Foxie.

To Do List

Laundry
Dishes
Pick up daughter's toys
Laundry
Make daughter's bottle
Feed daughter
Laundry
Dust everything!
...even the blinds
...and the fans
Call my mother
Pay the phone bill!
Make dinner
Laundry!
Feed the family
No, feed my family
Talk to my family
Ask husband how his day went
Tell husband I love him
Tell daughter I love her
Get out the toys
Play with my daughter
Turn off the tv!
Put on Rubber Soul album
On vinyl.
Flirt with husband
Laugh with daughter
Remember this moment...

Oh! Laundry!